Important Social Issues

It usually takes me a week or so to get around to reading the Indy Star Sunday paper. So, today, I grabbed the Sunday paper from earlier this week and was intrigued by the front page headline '10 Indiana Issues Affected by the Election'. I know what I think are the most important issues, and was anxious to see what the Star considers the most important issues to be and how they were affected by the election.

I unfolded the paper to find the top issues listed: Gay Marriage, Education Reform, Abortion, Immigration, Unemployment Insurance, Local Government Reform, Texting while Driving, Gambling, Smoking Ban, and Sunday Liquor Sales. Initially, I agreed with at least the first 6 as being in the Top 10 most important issues and thought that the Star was right on track. As I looked more closely I saw that each was determined to be 'losing traction' or 'gaining traction' per the change of balance in the Indiana government, from split to dominantly Republican. I quickly realized that the Star was on track, but going in the opposite direction than I was.

Gay Marriage, Education Reform, Abortion, and Immigration were all listed as 'gaining traction'. What!?! From my perspective it is the exact opposite. These issues have been halted in their tracks, and are more likely 'losing traction' than gaining it. There is no one, with any power, in the Indiana government who is working to further the causes of same-sex marriage, public education, abortion rights, or the rights of immigrants.

If the Star was honest with themselves and their readers, they would have more accurately named the issues: ANTI-Gay Marriage, PRIVATIZATION of Education, ANTI-Abortion, and ANTI-Immigration. It would be true then, that these issues are 'gaining traction'. Republicans are working to create a constitutional amendment to define marriage as between a man and a woman. They also want to follow Gov. Daniels' lead in cutting education funding and creating more charter schools. Women's abortion rights are being used to scare Hoosiers into opposing health care reform, and immigration issues do not account for the individual immigrants and their families, rather they are worried about how kicking out immigrants will affect the profits of businesses.

The idea that our new politicians are doing more to further the rights of the people these issues most closely affect, is a line that Republicans couldn't be happier with. They do a great job, with the help of conservative media, to perpetuate the idea that they are working toward making our state better, when, truthfully, they are marginalizing those in our society who need to be included, and dare I say supported, rather than pushed to the side by the majority.

Jamming Out

So it's been a long time since I have posted. Things have been so busy and uneventful, that I haven't found anything worth sharing. But tonight, Schuyler and I have been jamming to the Who Am I? by Snoop Dogg station on Pandora. Talk about a stress reliever!!! I feel like my girls need to come over for a house party!!! Holla!! It's great to let loose every once in a while. OHHHHHHHH!!!! Gangstas Paradise!!!! Watch out... This is what a bottle of wine and Pandora can do. I highly recommend it!! :)

What Exactly is the Debate?

The American political landscape is a place I usually try to avoid in conversation with anyone outside my comfort zone. Meaning, I tend to discuss issues with like-minded citizens who share a liberal view of how society should function. This doesn't necessarily have to include fellow Democrats to the exclusion of others. There are Libertarians and Republicans whose views are similar to mine and have opinions on which we can agree. I know on which paths to tread with these individuals and can make my point while still being open-minded and empathetic to their views. I believe that this reflects my attitude toward most people and their ideas. I truly do fancy myself as someone who tries to see both sides to things, as long as their ideas are well thought out and come to a logical conclusion.

Having said this, the "well thought out" and "logical conclusion" pieces of this narrative keep me from being able to understand and empathize with those who were protesting the construction of an Islamic center near Ground Zero in NYC on Sunday. I do want to say that this characterization is going to be generalized and I'm sure it doesn't pertain to all protesters, but watch this video to see why this generalization is pretty accurate.

These citizens claims to believe that erecting an Islamic center so close to Ground Zero flies in the face of those who lost their lives in the Trade Center attacks. This argument could be understood. Those who attacked us on 9/11 were Islamic extremists, and are responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans. I can understand how that could inflame those who are worried about the memories of loved ones who were killed. Again, I don't have to agree to be able to understand where they are coming from.

I'm sure that there are people who have well-founded concerns about this project; however, this is not the primary narrative of many of these protesters. They are upset that there are Muslims in the US. Period. They do not believe that they have the right to build their places of worship where they would like to, or, for that matter, be able to practice their religion at all. Now, this is where I really start to take issue with their reasons for protesting.

These citizens claim to hold tightly to the constitution, but walk all over it at the same time. At these protests you are likely to see signs about and hear comments made that "We need to protect our country's values." What exactly are the values that these protesters are trying to protect? Property rights? Freedom of religion? They justify their actions by claiming their freedom to assemble and freedom of speech, but conveniently forget the Rights that they are protesting against.

I'm not a constitutional scholar and am not trying to claim that I am, but in the same right, I can see when the dots are and are not connected. This faction has undue control over our political system. Those who are wild and scream the loudest, tend to get the most attention, even when their ideals do not match the majority of the country. The sentiments of those protesters account for only 10% or less of our nation. Which is discouraging given that they are deciding what is on the agenda for our politicians.

Gay marriage? It goes against the sanctity of Marriage itself. Or does it. The divorce rate in this country is between 40% and 60% depending on which statistic you look at. So that doesn't seem to be anything special. The only argument for Marriage as a special union is within the Christian church, but what about the separation of Church and State? We adhere to this separation in order to keep Muslim girls from wearing head scarves in schools, but we have to leave "Under God" in the pledge and keep Gay couples from having the same civil rights as heterosexual couples. Civil rights that come from the government, not religious rights that come to someone through a church. This is an important distinction since people use religion to keep others from basic rights that are due them from the government.

Immigration? Foreign policy? Gun rights? Health care? I won't elaborate on all issues, but I will say that when we claim to be to the land of the free and proudly display our Bill of Rights, we need to extend those freedoms and rights to all citizens. And it's because we are all citizens that we have a right to be protected by our constitution. Not just when it reinforces our ethno-centric views of "white, protestant, evangelic America". We need to take back the political narrative of the country to express the inclusive, tolerant views of the majority of our citizens. We owe it to ourselves.

Against the Social Norm

While running errands yesterday I had a "driveway moment" in the Walgreens drive-thru. For those of you who are unsure of what a "driveway moment" is, it happens when you are listening to NPR (National Public Radio)and the story they are talking about is too engaging to turn off, so you stay in your car and listen to the rest, even though you have reached your destination. Yesterday, my "driveway moment" caused me to sit in a parking spot and listen for 10 minutes rather than picking up my prescription by going through the drive-thru right away. I wanted to be able to give all of my attention to the story and I'm glad I did.

The story was about the 1930 lynching of two African American boys who were accused of shooting of a white man and raping his girlfriend in Marion, Indiana. This particular presentation of the story was engaging because they interviewed a woman and a man who were present at the mob lynching. They describe how things escalated from a few dozen people to thousands outside the courthouse calling for the boys to be handed over, and what was done to the boys by the mob. They also interviewed James Cameron, the third boy who was spared by the mob after having the rope around his neck.

My reaction to this story, guilt, anger, sadness, distress, sense of social justice, reminded me of how I felt when I read The Help by Katheryn Stockett. This book is written from multiple perspectives of black domestic servants and the white women who employed them in the early 1960s. This book looks at the relationships among these women and one white girl who wants to tell their stories. She wants the black women to be treated as equals to white women, which goes against societal norms.

In both of these stories, one non-fiction and the other fiction, I wonder which 'character' I would be. In the lynching story, the woman recalls seeing the mob and how they acted, from the perspective of an outside observer. She uses pronouns like 'they' and 'them' to describe something that she was witness to. She describes the actions like they were destined to happen and something she regretted seeing, but not something that could have been stopped. Similarly, there are white female characters in The Help who seem a bit uneasy about how the domestic servants are treated, but take that as the norm. They admit thinking that people won't change, so why try?

I can understand how people would feel like there is nothing to be done to change what society thinks and does. How would one woman change the actions of thousands who had already decided they were going to put justice in their own hands? Why would young white women go against their family and friends to treat black women as equals? One person can't change an entire society, right?

Probably not, but in each of these stories one person does make a difference for a few. In the 1930s lynching when the mob had the third boy, James Cameron, a man shouted above the crowd that he was innocent and he didn't have anything to do with the killing. The mob let Cameron go, and the actions of the one man saved his life. As far as the domestic servants in The Help, the white girl published the black women's stories and shined a light on abuses and injustices that were perpetuated by white employers.

So I keep finding myself asking, which person would I be? Would I be an "innocent bystander" who didn't participate in lynching, but didn't stop it either? Would I be the man who shouted above the crowd to try to save a person's life? Would I expose social injustices by writing about them and caring about those who society is oppressing?

I think we would all like to see ourselves as the one who sticks their neck out to help someone else, which is certainly the character I would cast myself as, but do we? Inequalities and social injustices are all around us, but what do we do about them? Poverty, persecution of immigrants (legal and illegal), gay rights...the list goes on. These are issues that society is facing now and actions can be taken by individuals. Looking back, we are appalled at how black people were treated and can't imagine ourselves taking part in it. But, in 40 years, will society look back and feel the same way about the exclusion of homosexuals from basic human rights? Will we talk in generalities using pronouns like "they" and "them" to describe these injustices? Or will we be able to say that we took action, however small, to make a difference?

Would you do things differently next time?

Lately I have asked myself, If I was 20 again, would I choose a different life partner than my husband? Are there things that aren't included in my life currently that would make me feel more fulfilled? If we are honest with ourselves, this is something most (if not all) committed people think about.

My husband, Schuyler, and I have always worked from the understanding that there is more than one person in the world who could make each of us happy. If one of us were to pass away or things didn't work out between us, each of us would expect that we could find someone else to make to a happy life with.

Since I've been married, I have seen friends in the 'dating scene' and have been grateful for the fact that I've already found someone to share my life with. I don't have to worry about what I look like at the gym, or look super cute everywhere I go in anticipation of meeting someone. But the past couple weeks I have wondered what kind of fun I am missing in the dating scene.

Being hit on when you are married can be very awkward. I feel like I have to throw it out there right away that I'm married, so that I don't give off the wrong impression. But what if I didn't say that I was married first off, and carried on the conversation like I was available and interested in meeting someone? Since I haven't met someone new in a long time, it's kind of thrilling to think about.

I wonder about what my type would be (dark skinned with an accent? ;). What kinds of things would I like to do on a date? What kind of woman am I? Would I kiss on the first date? Would I ask him back to my place to spend the night? When I was dating Schuyler, I really didn't think about these things. I didn't have a dating identity figured out. I just did what felt right, which is probably what I would do today if I were single.

Thinking about dating again seems silly, given the fact that I am very happy in my marriage. Of course, there are always kinks to work out, but the big stuff, we agree on. And the little stuff, we are willing to compromise on. I think that's the most important. Finding someone who is on the same page that I am would be pretty difficult I think, one element that I wouldn't look forward to.

As far as the thrill of meeting someone new, I think it will come and go. Keeping a marriage fresh and engaging is probably the hardest part. Staying interested in one person is a challenge, but one that I am willing to take on and have been successful at for 5 years.

I get excited when I know Schuyler is about to come home from work. Seeing him coaching and having others look to him as an authority figure is sexy. Lying next to him I feel safe and secure, with all of my insecurities. For this, I think I love my husband the most.

So, I'm certainly not saying that I'm scouting out the gym to see who I can drop my towel next to, because honestly, if I had to do over again, I would say that my type is a fit guy, just a little taller than me. Curly dark hair, balding a little is ok ;) He has to be interested in travelling overseas and drinking wine. Good conversation and valuing my ideas are a must. Not too much PDA, but willing to put his arm around me and give me a kiss on the cheek is wanted. Overall, has to be ambitious and allow me to be the same. Most importantly, he has to be a cat person :)

Love you, Sky <3

Everyone has their specialty...

...mine happens to be guacamole! Many people don't think they like guacamole and/or avocados, but my guacamole tends to be a crowd pleaser, even for those who don't think they will like it. A lot of guac recipes tell you to smash the avocado and add mayonnaise to make it creamy. I don't subscribe to the idea that guacamole should be the consistency of baby food. Rather, I like mine chunky with all fresh ingredients!

Gather 3 ripe avocados*

1 medium red tomato

1 clove of garlic

top of bunch of cilantro (about 2 Tbsp)

1/2 lime

1 jalapeño

1/2 small onion (large onion pictured above, only part used)

*I wanted to discuss how to choose a ripe avo. The sticker says that they are ripe when soft, which is true, there is a very particular soft that you want to look for.

1. Avo should have some give, but overall flesh should be firm. Think about how a ripe peach feels. You don't want it to be hard, but too soft isn't good either.

2. The best place to test for softness is at the top (the skinnier end). If you think the avo may be overripe, this is the first place it will start going smooshy. If it is overripe the skin at the top tends to go dry.

3. The color of the skin isn't a good indicator because there are so many varieties of avocado, it is hard to describe coloring for all of them.

Since the guacamole is going to be chunky, I recommend a rough chop for the tomato, but a fine chop for the red onion. You don't want to get a mouth full of onion! Similarly, you don't want the jalapeño or garlic to be over powering. Mince the jalapeño and garlic, along with the cilantro.

Put all of these ingredients into a large bowl and set aside. Avocados will turn brown if left out in the air for too long. Because of this, add the avocados no more than 20 minutes before serving.

Here is my method for cutting an avocado.

1. Stick knife into avo lengthwise until you reach the pit. Rotate the avocado so you have a cut around the entire avo, constantly keeping the knife on the pit.

2. Twist the two halves in opposite directions and pull apart. You will end up with two halves, one of which will have the pit.

3. Put the half with the pit in your hand and let the weight of the knife force itself into the pit. You might have to provide some of the force. The knife should stick into the pit. Use the knife to rotate the pit until it comes out. Gently remove the pit from the knife by pinching the top of the pit. It should drop off of the knife.

4. Again, hold one half in the palm of your hand. Gently run the knife through the avocado, touching the skin, but not cutting through it. Make a checker board pattern.

5. Squeeze the avocado into the bowl with the rest of the ingredients. Continue until all three avocados are used.

Salt, pepper, and lime juice are used to taste. I usually use a little less than the full half of lime with a couple pinches of salt and pepper.

Mix together and enjoy! On the Border and Green Mountain Gringo are my favorite tortilla chips. Don't use Tostitos...they are too salty and won't do this recipe justice.

Going Crazy

So, for about the past two weeks I have been contemplating the question, "Do you know that you are going crazy before the point of no return?" Like, is there a gray area between the time that you recognize and feel like yourself, and when your family and friends commit you to a hospital? There has been a series of examples of losing myself and my habits and realizing that I'm not sure if I can get them back, or if I really want to.

The main example is that I am having a hard time sleeping. This is completely unlike me because I can usually sleep for 10 hours every night and want a nap in the afternoon. For most of my life, once I fell asleep I did't wake up, not even to use the bathroom. But lately, I have had a hard time falling asleep. If I do, I don't stay asleep. I have been opting to get up and clean the house rather than lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep. This has made me absolutely crazy because without sleep I don't feel like I'm thinking clearly. And I have a constant headache, which makes me crazy, too.

There are other things like: I have completely rearranged the pictures in our house; I have no desire to work outside in our yard and the flower beds are atrocious (but I don't care); I haven't been making dinner or caring to have food in the house; and I have been creating arbitrary deadlines for getting things done and giving myself anxiety.

So, again, these actions and thoughts that don't usually describe my personality are making me wonder if I will ever be the same again. I think I will, and I think I have the solution.

I have heard stories on NPR and seen in movies how someone with mental health issues would go through an intervention, go on medicine and realize how great "real life" was, and they would be happy...for a while. Since things were great, they think that they don't need the medicine anymore. At first they are fine, but it seems like overnight they are back to being crazy and need another intervention.

I believe that this cycle is very real. Luckily, I have not needed an intervention during my life, or have been so out of my mind that others have decided I needed help. But I did recognize it for myself a couple years ago. My anxiety was taking over and I knew that I needed to do something for myself, so I started taking medicine.

So my solution to me feeling like I'm going crazy is to take my Happy Pill and start feeling like myself again. It took a while for me to recognize this as a possible cause for my problems, but it makes complete sense to me know.

I don't want to depend on medicine, but this is what it takes for me to recognize and feel like myself, I am willing to do it.

**Hope this wasn't too much information. Blogs are just as much for yourself as they are for the readers, right?**

Hen Weekend

This weekend I went to Chicago for my friend Hanna's Hen Weekend. I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to go, but I'm very glad that I did. Hanna is one of my Chi Omega sisters from Hanover whom I graduated with in 2003. I happened to be the only college friend who was able to make it for the weekend, which made it even more special for me to be there and celebrate with her :)

For those of you who know my driving preferences, you know that 1. I am directionally challenged and 2. I am more a rider rather than a driver. Because of these two things, I was very proud that I had accepted the invitation to drive myself up to Chicago. With Hanna's great directions and my impressive skills for following them, my drive up was joyfully uneventful.

Hanna's apartment/condo (I'm not sure what to call it since it is a unit inside a shared building that she owns with her fiance.) is everything that you would want in a Chicago home. The neighborhood is walking distance from the water and has local shops and restaurants that makes city life appealing. With community gardens and open invitations to backyard BBQs, they definitely live in a community where people care about their neighborhood and the people who live there.

Inside, Hanna has created a very comfy, inviting space where you feel right at home. Her ability to collect antiques and unique items and put them together is enviable. She is very creative and has a style that is all her own. Being around her, I hope her artistic skills rub-off on me!

We celebrated her wedding by having a Bridal Tea in the afternoon. Her sisters, Jessica and Emily, hosted the affair which they pulled off seamlessly. Everything from the food to the outdoor seating created a space where we could enjoy each other's company and celebrate Hanna's wedding. A few of my Chi Omega sisters went in with me on a gift for Hanna. We got her a indoor wall pouch to plant flowers in. The plants cascade over the side and create a "living wall" indoors. Very cool if I do say so myself! Also, for a more intimate present, we gave her a nightgown that can be worn throughout the house. She was very appreciative for both gifts.

I had known Jessica and Emily from their visits during college. It was nice to see them, and their mother PJ again. Also, Hanna's best friend from childhood, Erin, was at the shower, too. It was good to catch up with her. Congrats Erin on your baby! Hanna's upstairs and downstairs neighbors were at the shower, too, as were a few of her workmates. It was great to see that they appreciate Hanna as much as her XO sisters do!

Later on in the evening we went to dinner and a show ;) Our XO sisters have a tradition of signing and wearing a Bachelorette sash throughout our special evening. The sash started with Brandi and has lasted 7 years and now, including Hanna, 12 brides! Pam will be the last of us to wear the sash!

We ate at Carnivale, which is a Latin American/Spanish fusion restaurant with amazing atmosphere. It was certainly the place to be! I can confidently recommend their Empanadas de Maiz :) After dinner we went to the The Baton Club to see the Ladies perform. Through a network of friends, Hanna's upstairs neighbor got us GREAT seats to the show. The women were beautiful and I realized that femininity can be worn well by anyone. I was quite jealous of their stage presence and, of course, their bodies! I decided that if I were to have a gay son, I would take him there and encourage him to be proud of himself, however he chose to live his life! These girls had it goin' on!

Overall, it was a great weekend that made me appreciate Hanna for being a unique woman who has created a great life with her fiance! Congratulations to Hanna and Nate!

To Bid or Not to Bid

In my last post I stated that I was going to venture into the world of Ebay to get my new, used sewing machine. I found a few that I am interested in through the brand recommendations of a friend's mother who knows a lot about sewing. Her mother has even gone so far as to offer to look at the machines I am interested in to give me input specifically on those :)

The dilemma I am having currently is not on the value, be it monetary, durability and/or specifications, rather it is how to go about bidding. I started bidding on Tuesday evening and have been going back and forth with one person, I'm assuming, since then. My strategy for bidding started out as making a high bid, about $10.00 higher than the other person so I wouldn't have to go back and forth for a couple dollars each time. The strategy of the other bidder is exactly what I don't want to do. Each time "she" bids, it's just a couple bucks. This has become very frustrating for me.

There are still two days left in the auction and I can't stop thinking about whether or not I have been outbid by a couple bucks! I have gone so far as to download the Ebay App on my phone, so I get an alert as soon as I am outbid. When I get my notification I start to get anxious and want to post my bid right away, but I don't want to seem desperate. I try to play it cool and wait so 1. The other person can't smell my desperation, and 2. I don't want to have to keep bidding. I figure, if I wait until there is on 10 minutes left on the bid, I can get in a last minute effort and bypass all of the back and forth that increases bids. This seems like a very good strategy. Holding out until the end seems like a good plan, until my anxiety takes over and I am forced to grapple for a couple dollars! Ahhh! Any suggestions?

Fabric Lover

One of my true loves is going to secondhand shops. During the summer I pass the hours browsing through consignment shops, Goodwill, and antique stores. This love of used items compliments my philosophy of the Three R's, and the hunt for a great deal :)

Today a good friend of mine and I went to Gilley's Antique Mall in Plainfield, IN. We spent the entire morning enjoying each other's company while hunting for nothing in particular. When I shop, especially in antique stores, I touch those things I am interested in. This serves a number of purposes, including sussing out the quality of items.

While we were shopping my friend, Sarah, says to me, "You are a fabric lover!" She noticed that I had been picking up all kinds of fabric and oooohing and awwwwing over them. I have never really thought of myself as a lover of fabrics, but after she said that, I had to agree. I am a Fabric Lover!

In years past I have been borrowing sewing machines from various family members with the intention of eventually buying one for myself . A couple years ago it was supposed to be a birthday present, then a Christmas gift, but I haven't gotten around to purchasing one yet.

But, upon being labeled as a Fabric Lover I feel it is my duty to get my own sewing machine. Sarah and I had visions of me using these beloved fabrics to make handbags, fabric napkins, pieces of art...the possibilities are endless.

So I am announcing myself as a Fabric Lover and soon-to-be owner of a sewing machine. I have so say, hours of browsing on Ebay is going to have to join my list of ways to buy secondhand items, because they have a ton of good deals on sewing machines!

MacBook Anyone?

So I'm at the Apple store at Keystone Mall and within 10 minutes I'm hooked on the MacBook. I can't help myself, but I imagine that with a MacBook my cool factor will increase exponentially!! I think I deserve a "just because you are awesome" present :)

My Coming Out

My friends have pressured me into creating a blog. I'm not sure what I have to say, but they are convinced that I have an interesting life. They reminded me that I am the only surviving marriage of 2005 as well as a world traveler. So, here I am. Join our blog party!