Going Crazy

So, for about the past two weeks I have been contemplating the question, "Do you know that you are going crazy before the point of no return?" Like, is there a gray area between the time that you recognize and feel like yourself, and when your family and friends commit you to a hospital? There has been a series of examples of losing myself and my habits and realizing that I'm not sure if I can get them back, or if I really want to.

The main example is that I am having a hard time sleeping. This is completely unlike me because I can usually sleep for 10 hours every night and want a nap in the afternoon. For most of my life, once I fell asleep I did't wake up, not even to use the bathroom. But lately, I have had a hard time falling asleep. If I do, I don't stay asleep. I have been opting to get up and clean the house rather than lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep. This has made me absolutely crazy because without sleep I don't feel like I'm thinking clearly. And I have a constant headache, which makes me crazy, too.

There are other things like: I have completely rearranged the pictures in our house; I have no desire to work outside in our yard and the flower beds are atrocious (but I don't care); I haven't been making dinner or caring to have food in the house; and I have been creating arbitrary deadlines for getting things done and giving myself anxiety.

So, again, these actions and thoughts that don't usually describe my personality are making me wonder if I will ever be the same again. I think I will, and I think I have the solution.

I have heard stories on NPR and seen in movies how someone with mental health issues would go through an intervention, go on medicine and realize how great "real life" was, and they would be happy...for a while. Since things were great, they think that they don't need the medicine anymore. At first they are fine, but it seems like overnight they are back to being crazy and need another intervention.

I believe that this cycle is very real. Luckily, I have not needed an intervention during my life, or have been so out of my mind that others have decided I needed help. But I did recognize it for myself a couple years ago. My anxiety was taking over and I knew that I needed to do something for myself, so I started taking medicine.

So my solution to me feeling like I'm going crazy is to take my Happy Pill and start feeling like myself again. It took a while for me to recognize this as a possible cause for my problems, but it makes complete sense to me know.

I don't want to depend on medicine, but this is what it takes for me to recognize and feel like myself, I am willing to do it.

**Hope this wasn't too much information. Blogs are just as much for yourself as they are for the readers, right?**